Happy happy Thanksgiving to all of you! Love you guys!

Meh...not much to report. Still jobless though I admit that's partially because I've been a lazy ass and also because I'm scared of going back into the work force after spending almost 3 years as a stay at home mom.

My marriage is on very shaky ground at the moment and that is another reason I've just kind of been blah about finding a job....seeing as if my marriage explodes I won't be living in GA much longer after that...so pointless to get a job and then have to quit.....

But seriously, I'm not very confident in my marriage right now. He says he loves me but I'm finding that harder and harder to believe at the moment. And sadly, I know that love just isn't enough to keep a relationship going anyway.....so I just don't know. I feel like i"m in limbo one minute or on a roller coaster the next. I just don't know what to do or feel and I don't really have people to talk to about it...

le sigh.

I really, truly love you guys. You have no idea how much I do but I really, really love you guys.

I'm going to get a head start on this this year...potentially. So drop me an email at beautifullychaotic121@gmail.com or mrathert@gmail.com with your address. Nothing fancy. I am no artist nor much of a writer. But it's the thought that counts right? Yes? Maybe? Please?


Love you guys more than you will ever know :)

<3

EDIT: Would help if I made my emails links...wouldn't it..? >_>

Really I've got nothing. Just the usual tired of trying to be friends with people who don't make the effort themselves (this is to no one in particular and actually has more to do with facebook than anything). Also trying to ignore the fact that my husband basically told me that he doesn't care enough about me or our relationship. To be fair...he didn't say all that. But when your husband tells you that he wouldn't care if you cheated on him...it's hard to infer anything other than that. Oh well, I'm currently in the ostrich phase of this "head in the sand if I don't see it's not there" kind of thing.

Meh. Just meh.

*pokes it* Am I jinxed? Is every site I want to go today go "Oh noes!!!! It's HER!!! CRASH CRASH CRASH!" Nothing is working for me today (hell facebook hasn't been working for me for a few days). I've been spending more time fighting with the interwebs then actually getting things accomplished on the interwebs...and by accomplished I mean reading fics >_>

Well have to cut this short because my master -- I mean daughter -- is summoning me. LOVE YOU ALL!!!

I wish LJ had a better app on iTunes so I could do so much more on my iTouch. I'm rarely on the computer now and if I am I'm usually on facebook. I miss you all. Thank you for the birthday wishes Sharon. You are awesome :)

I've been slowly but surely starting to read all of Zazu's fics so yay for that. I've also been in the process of getting a job which is part of why I haven't said much of anything here.

And the potty training....*shudders*


So I just wanted to pop in to say I love you all and I'm not dead yet so yea!


<3

Finally finished watching Torchwood and Harper's Island last night. That should give you an idea of how busy I've been since Harper's Island ended in...what May?

I cried during Torchwood! Like a ninny. It was sad. I was sad for Jack. I know a lot of it is probably to set up how/why Jack became the Face of Boe. Why he left Earth and all and also why he returned to see Earth's end back in Season 1 of Doctor Who....but still so sad! Oh Ianto! You had me bawling!

As for Harper's Island....well....We barely made it past the first episode and well we were disappointed with how it ended...kinda anticlimatic and also...you could kind of figure stuff out by the fact that they cast suspicion on just about everyone but one character....but oh well. Whatever.

Hehehehe once I pass Zazu you bet your little bottom that I'm going to be catching up on all your fics ^_^

Oh man I passed all 4 stations at the registry practical! Sweet! I just have to take the written now on the 19th! Oh man I have such a busy schedule for the rest of this month.

• On Wednesday (8/12) I leave for NYC with just me and the baby.
• On Saturday (8/15) I leave NYC for FL with my parents, my baby, and my little brother.
• The baby and I have to be back in GA by Monday (8/17).
• My written exam is on Wednesday (8/19).
• On Saturday (8/22) I have to go back to FL, get my parents and little brother and then come back to GA.
• On Thursday (8/27) is Ladies Night at the Olive Garden with Mom, MIL, Church friends, and me.
• Early Friday (8/28) I have to drive mom, dad, and lil' bro up to ATL airport and see them off.

This does not include finding time to study before the exam, the fact that the trip to NYC is going to take roughly two days since I don't have another driver...whatever my family and I are going to do while they are here and any other errands that need to be done and so forth! I need a clone! Or 20!


Man I want to read a good kind of  Cop/Criminal fic GW 1=2 smut...any suggestions anyone? Or someone want to write me one (hint hint Lizzie Bear! *pokes you with inspiration stick* )


Love you all!

It has been a very, very long time and I apologize for disappearing like that though I'm sure I wasn't missed ;)

I have finally graduated from school! Yay! I don't know what my final GPA is and all that (though I wish I did) but I do know I passed my final exam with a 94 (yay A!) so that makes me happy. Next weekend, on the 8th of August I will be taking the first part of my National Exam *nervous* so yeah!

I've missed all of you my lovelies! I've been terribly remiss as a friend and I have every intention of making it up somehow! So since I know it will be impossible for me to catch up with all of you via email please please drop me a line with how things are going with you guys! You can either comment or email me at beautifullychaotic121@gmail.com.

I love you all dearly and I miss you terribly! Also, if I have had your phone number in the past and you would not mind me having again (or if I never had it and still don't mind me having it) could you please give it to me again....my phone was stolen sometime ago and alas that phone was not a phone that allows you to back up so I lost everything! Every number picture video ringtone...EVERYTHING! So yeah...


Love to you all!!!

Happy Birthday wishes go out to the lovely Clarediva! Love to you hun! Hope your day was wonderful and full of fun!

So I have been bad about getting on IMs mainly because they keep freezing on me lately. I have to delete stuff off the compy I think. Somehow hubby and I have manage to reduce our 250 (I think) gig hard drive down to 8 x_x; It's mainly because of all the anime and movies we have on here. Anyway! More important things now.

Happy Chinese New Years to all who celebrate it! Chinese New Years has always been a fun time of year and sometimes we would do little things for it when I lived in NY. Don't know if they still give my little brother a red envelope or not though. ^_^

And most importantly HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY ZAZU BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope this day is filled with wonders and delights and lots of hugs and the such *BIRTHDAY GLOMP!!!* Love you sweetie!

Oh flist! I need a favor! Does anyone on my flist either know kanji or know someone who knows kanji really, really, REALLY well? Hmm? Maybe? Please? I needs someone who is really really good at it who won't be mean and say that the kanji they are giving me means what I want it to say and really says something else. Or they think it says what I want it to say but they messed up and put something else. This is going to be permanently on my body so yeah. Help? PLEASE?

*begs*

Happy New Years!

I totally have a hard on over the new Naruto chapter. Sorry to be vulgar but hot damn.

Christmas cards are late, I know but will be sent out by the end of the week (hopefully) =) I'm honestly waiting for a few more addresses to show up so I can mail them all in one go. Lazy of me I know but..yeah ^_^

Love to you all.


*slinks off and pets Chap 430 of Naruto*

Merry Christmas everyone!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone <3

I'm suppose to be reading two chapters and then doing my work book for those two chapters but I have ADD something fierce today and nothing I read is actually sticking in my brain which is really bad because I sorta have a quiz on those two chapters on Monday. If I'm lucky it will be postponed until Tuesday! Oh the joys! And I have to have a powerpoint presentation completed by Saturday in which I explain and demonstrate and understanding of time management! Oh because I'm really good at time management NOT!! Like I don't have a lot of things to do before then right?! I volunteer at the church nursery tomorrow. I have to do laundry and take care of the baby. I have to study some more because I'm not even done with the first chapter I need to be done with. I have to cook. But this is all going to take only a few minutes no problem *insert heavy amounts of sarcasm* So then for my week I then have to study whatever chapters we do during the week. Take care of the baby. More laundry and attempts at working cooking into my schedule somewhere so that everyone isn't starving. Study the materials I need to know for teaching the pre-k church class next sunday and read all about time management and make a pp presentation about it while somehow getting some sleep and all around generally trying to take care of myself. Oh and I get to do lifting this week too! I forgot about that!


OMG WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING WHEN I THOUGHT I COULD JUGGLE SCHOOL, MOMMY DUTIES, AND HOUSE BITCH DUTIES?!

I start school tonight and I'm nervous as all hell. I'm so pathetic. Anyway, wish me luck my lovelies. That is if I still have lovelies out there.

Life is life you know? It's been a long while and I'm not sure that I entirely miss LJ. Then again, I don't think anyone has noticed my absence anyway. It's that time of year again where I have a crap ton of meltdowns and feel like crawling into a hole. I really want to crawl into a hole because it's not taking much to set me off these days. Something as simple as Hubby choosing to play Rock Band 2 with his sister instead of me makes me break down into a million pieces of craziness to put it nicely. It's a lot messier internally than that statement would lead you to believe.

But I've come to terms with the fact that people just don't need me. They don't. They may need my services whether it be cooking, cleaning, babysitting teenagers who should know how to take care of themselves, beta work, grocery shopping, etc etc no one needs ME. I, as a person, barely exist. I, as a tool for others to use, seems to be my only purpose.

Hence why I just want to crawl in a hole. Because while they need me to do things for them (and only because that just means they don't have to do it) they don't really need me. Because they could get along just fine without as my month in NYC proved. My absence from most of networking sites proves that as well.

I put everything in everyone and when it's convienent for them I may get a pat on a back or something. I'm just that person who only exists when people deem me worthy of existing. Both IRL and online. I'm really tired of it. I'm really tired of trying to pretend it doesn't bother me or to pretend I don't see it. I'm so fucking tired.

Can't do anything about though. Busy busy busy. Things to do and no one to appreciate it.

Fuck. Two steps away from callnig a crisis hotline. Fuck.


--*Beautifully Chaotic*--

I missed a lot for lots of reasons. Mainly, I've been LJ phobic/on hiatus as well as in NYC for a month (which equals almost 0 internets) so yeah. Happy Birthday to those people whose birthdays I missed. I believe it's Skylark's today so Happy Birthday hun.

Anyway, back in GA. My gums are throbbing because I had a deep cleaning done on half my mouth today. I go back tomorrow for the other half of my mouth.

I just want to nap but I'm so swamped things.


Luff.


--*Beautifully Chaotic*--